MOVED!!!

Church!~

I am a Roman Catholic since I first took my 1st breath of Earth's air... My mother in her young age was a buddhist.. and as if God was calling for her.. she felt at ease in a church.. tat is how she started to be a RC... my dad was the same like me.. born RC.. and tat is how i am one..

I cannot say tat i'm a HOLY man... i dun actively involve myself in alot of youth activities like my other friends do... i dun really study the bible unless i have something to look up o i am trying to find some info on how i could get around the laws barring me from doing sinister acts.. u can say i am an old fashion RC... the one tat goes to church every weekends, and say his rosaries... other than tat.. hmm.. i guess not...

Anyhow... church was a play ground when i was below 12... i had a bunch of frens when it comes to mass time on saturday evenings... wat else can a bunch of kids do during church.. we PLAY!!! run around... tease the girl's group (i was a chubby kid.. dun u guys have any impression tat some1 in the girl's group has any crush for me).. jus plain wasting our time until our parents and brothers come out of chruch... If my frens were not around.. i always ask a pen from mum and start drawing craps on a piece of paper.. tat is how my time was spent in church..

but when age came to me.. a invisible consciousness  too dawn upon me... from the age of 12 and above.. i stop goin outside... i went to sunday school to get confirmed so tat i can receive the body of Christ.. as if some how my mind and soul has been programmed to act so when the age came.. i did not question this act.. but simply enjoy it...

I enjoy the singing the most in church... makes me calm and confident... and yes... undeniablely.. sometimes the priest explains things, i will be yawning.. but most of the time i reflect on myself in church... reflect on what i've been doing.. wat i've done... what i shud do etc etc.. and whenever mass ended.. i feel... feather light.. as if burdens where lifted and i was again ready to face the world for another week.. the church is really a nice place for me... a place tat takes away all my stress... a place when u seriously needed guidance.. will show it to u..

I know alot of free thinkers who say the dun believe in all this religious thing... they say y believe in something we werent sure is there ... might as well put all ur strength in believing urself.. well... i mus say it is very well said... but y dun we look at it tis way.. we can still put all our strength in believing ourselves, yet put Trust in Him..because God wun help those who only pray and do nothing about the current situation... we need to show our labour.. our hardship..but when we start to doubt ourselves.. having a religion to support u is actually quite good.. i'm not here to convert any1... jus a piece of advice.. hahah...

"Happy Are Those Who Believe, Yet Not See"   such strong words... which angle do u interpret this word from?? heheheh... cheers~

a man who sees his own footsteps

When does a man sees his own footsteps... its when he turns his head... and look back... looking back at the roads he took... tracing the way he came... but a man of such quality is usually a man who clearly doesnt like to look ahead... doesnt like the challenges tat lies ahead... instead.. he loves the warmth of things of the past.. where he can hide in the comfort of things he knew.. he did... but a man who looks back too often also is a man who holds a heavy feeling for guilt of things he has done.. even though it might be just a small sin to others.. a man who looks back too often, only reminiscences the times that are gone... the people who have changed with time... the life past... A man who looks to the past too often... for me.. is a weak man... a man who cowls in the safety of the past.. for he knows.. the past no matter how regretful things he did... no matter how much he felt guilt is eating him up... he still finds comfort on things tat have been... for those things tat will be or may be, he is afraid to face it.. afraid of new things... afraid of the wind blowing directly on to his face... for he fears... he might do even more mistakes... even more sins.. he is afraid... he might fail in challenges.. fail the people who put trust in his ability... a man who looks back .. is a man who stops at his steps... and let every one pass him while he thinks back the good and bad moments tat was... that is wat a man who looks back too often to me is...

Today... my friend was able to pass me a few MP3s which was from 1983-2006 Hong Kong's Top Ten Best Gold Songs (its translated from cantonese... "Sap Tai Keng Gor Kam Kok"). as i blogged before.. my older brother loved the 80's and early 90's, Hong Kong Pop musics.. i was, in a very early age, exposed to such beautiful songs... and today.. my friend manage to pass to me... such a collection.. i was only interested in the 80's and 90's for i know more of those songs.. than the songs of my time..

As i played those songs in this cold and rainy night, it reminded me of alot of things... i have forgotten of... alot of things from my youngling years... the feelings.. the pictures of the past.. as if time was kind enough to rewind itself to the moments when these very same songs flew in my ears and echoed in my head.. it made me... felt young again.. very young.. i can still remember my mother's face.. wrinkle-less... my dad's face full of energy... my brothers' still young and worry-less faces.. my late granma.. smiling.. sitting at the living room.. looking out at the sweet jambu tree and orchids... it was as if time had dragged me to the past.. putting everything still... for me.. to look at it again... at times past...

I know one shud not look so far back.. and enjoy them.. it is already making me feel heavy... as if time has taken more than jus 23 yrs from me... tat is what looking back will do to one.. the feeling of suffocation.. not by the lack of air.. but the heaviness in one's heart.. when it comes to how helpless we are being drifted in the flow of time... a gushing river.. where we are constantly being swept forward... never stopping...

Now do u see how dangerous it is to stop ur steps.. and turn to look back... it weakens the soul and mind... yet.... i am a man who loves to reminiscene... a man who easily recalls the past to my mind... altho i noe how deadly it is to summon forth such memories.. but..i guess.. i'm a nostalgic man... anything from the past tat can link me back... WILL take me back.. it takes a great will from me to stop thinking... which is what i will do now... unplug the earphones.. stop the musics.. and let the mirage of the past be where it shud be again... beneath the stacks of memory time has given...

Good Night... Sweetdreams to the man who sees his own footsteps...

(this blog only mirrors my current feeling, tml it will be different again, tml... i will be fine.. :) )

MalAYSIA BOLEH!!

We are celebrating our 50th independence...and our football team just gave us a very Malaysian gift, MALAYSIA BOLEH. I've always believe in the phrase "Malaysia BOLEH" (Malaysia CAN).. We can have one of the tallest buildings... we can have some record smashing events... we can even have a trashing of 5-1 in football by CHINA...how cool is that... and best of all, MALAYSIA BOLEH.. is tat our officials can blame anything AND (notice its not OR) anyone when they lose in such an embarrassing match.

They blame CHINA has better physical.. and the Mlysian players were nervous to see this.... wat lame reason is tat... its not like mlysia dun have chinese, its not like the national team doesnt have chinese players... ok.. mayb our chinee might be a lil smaller in size.. so?? does china have 7 foot tall 7 foot wide players?? no... they might be wat... 10-15 cm taller (jus one o 2) the rest i see is ok ok.. normal sized mlysian... ok.. if the coach meant by stamina and strength... we allocated 12 million a yr to FAM to train.. to giv enuf food.. etc.. to our players... so where is the money I PAY (i'm a tax payer d).. where are the RESULTS!!!!!! i have an assumption, MALAYSIA BOLEH, is that they every so frequently have meetings and order curry puffs till 12 million left a few 100k to train players and etc... BUT wait... they do send the players to overseas and train.. frenly matches and all.. so wat gives??? i still say they have meetings and eat curry puffs, drink, MALAYSIA BOLEH, teh tarik (special tea) during training time in overseas.

then the coaches also blame the supporters for not coming in THRONGs... hmmmm... i rememebr Malaysian SUPPORTERS show up in force during last years TIGER cup against indon.. we were winning.. till indon scored a few goals (but still we were leading) then the mlysian players, MALAYSIA BOLEH, thru their PROFESSIONAL training... gave up.. some jus wlaked around asking to be substituted.. all de-spirited,which led to indon scoring a few more goals and win... SO! if the coaches, players and the rest of the team dun show us results and commitment.... how do u suppose we as supporters go and support u... u let us down countless times.. and now u lose u wanna push ur faults and errors to us?? MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!! 5-1, we showed the world we can...

I'm not mad cause we lose so embarassingly, BUT.. i'm mad cause the malaysian coaches and players inherited our MALAYSIA BOLEH spirit of pointing the finger at some1 else, other than themselves... MALAYSIA BOLEH shud be a positive force.. its seems we have more negative force than the good one... again..repeat after me.. MALAYSIA BOLEH!!! SAYA BANGGA JADI SEORANG ANAK MALAYSIA!!

May God give her a wonderful garden in Heaven...